Focus on Yourself — Clear Space

A month ago today, I was finishing up my Mad-to-Live week-long surfing retreat in Costa Rica with ten amazing and beautiful women. The trip itself was perfect as the pandemic was only an unbelievable rumor at the time. There was no way of knowing then how truly precious our time was together as we were still free to gather, hug, laugh and play. It feels like a lifetime ago.

This was my third surfing retreat with ninja-badass Sophie Everard and MTL and I prayed that the skills I hadn’t used for a year would come back easily. Surfing is a rough and tumble sort of sport. It’s not glamorous and you can get seriously injured if you are not paying attention to the waves, the current, the wind, your board, and other people’s boards. You have to be willing to make exaggerated physical movements with your arms and hips that force you to feel silly until your body physically connects and intuits the importance of these actions. It also requires a good amount of patience waiting for the next perfect wave to come. On the first day, Prado, one of our surf coaches, gave us the best advice: focus on yourself.

I’ll be the first to admit I found myself wondering how I was doing “compared” to everyone else. The truth is, it’s really hard not to compare yourself with others. Our society is all about celebrating the best, coming in first and being number one. Add on top of that, women of various ages from different parts of the world hanging out in bikinis. Insecurities were running at an all-time high (or so we thought before we got home to this new normal).

While catching my breath after paddling back out to the green waves on the second to last surf day, I realized that I had no idea how the other girls were progressing. I was curious to know when I switched from comparison to focus. That evening, it occurred to me that when I don’t have experience with a given task, my fear of the unknown has me looking for answers in a fragmented and urgent way. I recognized that when Luigi, our green wave coach, started giving me feedback and instructions to make adjustments, I became focused on those specific drills. When I was up on the board, sailing along a wave and time slowed down, nothing else mattered. When I got caught in no man’s land (where the waves crash), desperately holding onto my board in water well over my head, I couldn’t think about anyone but myself, it was survival.

In any situation, if you find yourself concerned with what others are doing, it will be difficult to create peace in your mind and set a goal. If you are finding yourself scrolling social media and feeling bad that you are not using this time wisely -or getting your inbox emptied, or reorganizing all of your closets, or creating the most innovative schedule for your family - take a moment and realize this is truly a time to focus on your own well-being.

No matter what anyone says right now, including me, no one knows with any certainty what lies ahead. No one is winning in this pandemic. It’s understandable to be looking for answers, but it’s time to trust yourself to know what you need to feel safe right now. No one is going to come around after this crisis to grade you on performance or hand out awards.

In the same way, it didn’t make sense for me to compare myself with someone who’s never surfed before, there’s no reason to be comparing your situation with anyone else’s right now. We are all suffering in different ways. And the truth is, we are all always suffering in different ways in regular life, too.

Have nothing but patience and understanding for yourself and your fears right now and all you need to give everyone else is compassion. That’s it.

As I mentioned last week, if you need someone to listen, or brainstorm some ideas for coping with life, I’m here. Click here to schedule a call with me.

I am still doing my daily Facebook Live around 4 pm EST. You can access all of the past videos here.

In other news, as of April 1, my long-anticipated book Clear Space: How to Make Room for What Matters Most in Your Home & Life is available in paperback and hardcover! This is earlier than expected as the actual launch is set for April 22. If you feel called to have the book now, here is the link to purchase. The e-books will be available closer to the launch date and I will let you know as soon as they are available to download. Stay tuned for a free online program I am creating to walk you through the processes of the book so we can do the work in a community with support. There’s no date set yet, but I’m shooting for the end of April, early May.

I’m thinking of you and I’m here if you need anything.